If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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