he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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