oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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