ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
