I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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