You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
