Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
