they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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