Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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