My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
