Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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