Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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