I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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