all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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