I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
