no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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