Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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