he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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