Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
