I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize