hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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