Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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