Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
