Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
