I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
