All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
