Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
