Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
