why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
