I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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