I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
