i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
