he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
