i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
