Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
