I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
