One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
