i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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