apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Two words: blizzard sex
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
