I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
