Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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