i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
