we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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