well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
