He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
