i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
