i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
