they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
