I skipped work to stalk him.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
