She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
