I puked a lego.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
