I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
