I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
