The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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