Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
