you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
