I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
