This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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