Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
