I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
