put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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