There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
