One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
