Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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