would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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