i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
