Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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