respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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