we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
