He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize