i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
